Wednesday, July 08, 2009

the rape of memory

so we finally have a summer day and i decide to put on my white pants and of course I do not have white underwear other than my white thong. I decide they would be a good choice anyway, once I figure out which holes my legs go through (that's a little tricky actually as the patch that goes in front is not much bigger than the cheek divider side - i have on occasion put them on sideways - it's quiet a sight!). Anyway, thirty seconds after i have them on I'm trying to pick my underwear out of my ass until I remember I am wearing my thong. Eight times inside of eleven minutes I find my hand reaching around to pick, pick, pick. Each time I remember I am wearing a thong and withdrawal my hand. At first I am annoyed with myself that I can't remember! For g-d's sake woman - it's the thong! By the sixth time my annoyance has turned into fear. How I do i forget so quickly?! By the eight time I'm depressed. What's happening to me?? It's just not funny anymore. The cycle repeats itself many times throughout the day...the rape of memory has gone well beyond the misplacement of keys. I can barely carry on a conversation. As i am listening to someone my responses float out of my mind before it is my turn to speak. i stare back blankly and get accused of not listening but actually, not only can i not remember what i wanted to say, but by the time it's my turn i can't remember what we are talking about.

work is another story entirely. if i don't make lists, nothing gets accomplished. it has also become necessary that my lists provide details, as the single line..."new design - big struts" just leaves me wondering - what new design? for what project? everyday i get in my car and i have forgotten my coffee on the counter, before i get to the end of the road i remember i forgot to lock the studio door, or did i? what is even more frightening is that it has begun to affect my motor skills. yesterday i was cleaning string beans; snip off the ends, break them in half, drop the good parts into the pan. before i realized it, my pan was half full of ends and strings and the good parts are in the bottom of the sink. i had to concentrate to get the right part in the right place. then i had i go through the entire pan of beans to dig out all the ends. of course by the time that exercise was done i was wondering what i was going to do with the beans. i want to call J to express my concern but i cannot find the phone. i look and look. nowhere. i press the FIND button on the base and i can hear it buzzing, but where the hell is it coming from? it's a mystery. i give up on the beans and decide to just put them away for tomorrow and of course find the phone in the refrigerator. oy vey iz mir...


  1. um, what was i going to say ... oh yeah! have i got a song for you!

  2. Next time I see you smiling with nothing to say, I'll think of this essay. And all this time when you smiled at me in the halls or stared silently as I talked to you I thought you were just being cool. Now I find out that you were desperately trying to suppress the urge to pick a strip of cloth out of your butt while clever thoughts and responses floated out of your head before you could choose one to express. ;)

  3. good stuff and love the comments - you have so exposed yourself here Victoria, and I don't mean in the thong department...

    PS. I first heard Tom Rush's 'No Regrets' in 1973 or so...he doesn't look too bad for his age...

  4. Two things -
    First, thongs are a continual irritation between one's buttocks. Your memory was working fine, it was just your nervous system overriding it, reporting to the brain that an unwelcome foreign object was dangerously close to a sensitive, personal spot.
    Second, if you have reached the age of 50 and you live in 21st century America, welcome to the "Forgetters Club." I don't know many people in this age group who don't have stories about their memories fritzing out and doing stupid stuff. Don't worry! Worry has been scientifically proven to destroy valuable brain cells. Look on the bright side - you found the phone, you didn't snip off any fingers AND you have beans to eat. Be happy!